You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she pinky promised me she was 18
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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