he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
