we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
