she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
whose parrot is this?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
