Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
