your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
