how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
