I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just threw up on my dentist
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize