I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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