I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
