im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
