I cannot find my penis.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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