dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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