i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
