i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
