carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
