Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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