he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize