I faked an abortion last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize