In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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