I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
