I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
