im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize