how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
