chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
