I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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