If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
