Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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