Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize