I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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