i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
