Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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