ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's blow job season.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I party with great urgency now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
