I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
