Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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