It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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