I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
