We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
