State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
