The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
