I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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