i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
