gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she looked like the before picture.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
