I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
