So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
