she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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