Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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