Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
