i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
