At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
