i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
