Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
