So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize