Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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