You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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