you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
