I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
