Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
