the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
