Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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