Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
