Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
false alarm. still invincible.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
