I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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