it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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