I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
