Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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