Don't you send me to vm
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
