already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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