i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
