Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
