You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im holly from the hills drunk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
