i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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