I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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