Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
