you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
