fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize